Building Self confidence

"Optimism means expecting the best, but confidence means knowing how to handle the worst." Zurich axiom

Self confidence is when we believe firmly that we can trust our abilities, qualities and judgment in doing the right thing. It is difficult to pinpoint one quality or aspect and say that this is self confidence. There are a lot of characteristics which go in to making an individual a self confident individual.

Ability to be assertive and air ones views in front of others
Ability to show affection and regard towards others openly
Ability to take pride in one's realistic achievements
Ability to be independent and autonomous
Ability to trust self and others
Ability to handle criticism and negative feedback in a constructive manner
Ability to show emotional maturity
Ability to accurately assess our capabilities.

Our genetic disposition, early nurture by parents, parental expectations from us through our early years of growing up, our experiences with our teachers and school, experiences and interactions with peers, other external factors and situations that occur around us all influence our self confidence and determine how it shapes up.

Also our own thoughts influence our confidence. What kind of thoughts we generate in our mind, how we view different situations, how we react to the environment, all play an important role in shaping our confidence.

Once low confidence sets in the individual may face a multitude of issues such as:

Self- doubt :

All the time thoughts of "Am I am doing the right thing or not" can plague the person with low confidence.

Submissiveness :

Need to easily give in or comply with what others say because you do not feel up to it to be in the lead or in the decision making role or act by taking initiative.

Sensitivity to criticism :

Feel overly upset if others give negative feedback focusing more on the negativity rather than on the feedback itself. An inability is seen in the individual to objectively sieve through the factual information in the feedback and weed out the unnecessary parts.

Depression :

Feelings of hopelessness and extreme sadness.

Feelings of inferiority :

Feelings of not being as good as the others and worthlessness.

Feelings of being unloved :

Feelings of not getting enough attention, affection and understanding from significant others.

It is no wonder that the relationship of self confidence is very high with doing well in ones career and also pre career in interviews, group discussion and so forth. Higher the self confidence, better the chances of you doing well in your career related activities and vice versa. It becomes a vicious cycle where in:

The 6 step process to achieving great Self Confidence

STEP 1: Identifying a meaningful purpose for your life.
STEP 2: Identifying goals and principles leading to your meaningful purpose.
STEP 3: Making a plan.
STEP 4: Taking action.
STEP 5: Getting people to help you
STEP 6: Rewarding yourself for your ACHIEVEMENTS

It is important to sit and introspect as to what you want to do in your life. Have at least one meaningful goal in life. One should not just drift as life takes you. Be more focused and plan life in a systematic manner. Then work towards your goal/s. The sense of accomplishment as you slowly and gradually progress on the path that you have taken, which takes you closer to your goal can make you feel immensely self confident. Goals have to be realistic and these can be small goals too. Plan as to how would reach your goals and act upon these. If you do not know how to do it alone then rope in people to help you. Remember to reward yourself even for little progress that you make.

Remember, Life's races aren't always won by the biggest, the strongest or the fastest. It's inevitable that one day it will be won by the person WHO BELIEVES HE CAN!
Earl Nightingale

Self confidence Checklist

Answer each question with a Yes/No to find your level of confidence

1. Feel insecure and uncomfortable to be on your own.
2. Find it difficult to take simple decisions
3. Feel bored much of the time
4. Find it difficult to express your views, opinions and emotions in front of others
5. Blame the self if anything goes wrong any time
6. Stay in the background when many people are around
7. Generally feel dissatisfied

Scoring and interpretation :

Total up the number of yes/no that you have written.

If the number of yes is 6-7, then your level of confidence is low: You are unsure of yourself, and do not feel confident when with others or in decision making activities. You tend to blame yourself for whatever wrong that happens around you and find it difficult to be on your own to do anything.

If the number of yes is 3-5, then your level of confidence is medium: Much of the times you feel confident and take part in decision making or are able to voice opinions. However certain situations or people may make you feel under confident and put you in self doubt.

If the number of hyes is 1-2, then your level of confidence is high: Open and confident, you are sure of yourself and your activities. You trust your own judgement, value your opinions and feel comfortable voicing them. You enjoy life and are satisfied with yourself and your abilities.